The sunshine feels good :)



Key West July 2012



Wow, I cannot believe it is already 2013. I have been absolutely horrible at blogging...my average is one a year it seems. So I guess this is a good time to catch up!

The days of chemotherapy treatments and radiation lunch dates are fading more and more, locked away in the memory banks...and making way for happier times indeed.
A year ago exactly my boyfriend Anthony moved in and I can say I couldn't be happier. We have been friends for almost 8 years and dating for about 2 years, and I feel now my life, my family, is complete. My daughter has grown into a young lady since this journey as started. In March she will be 9 years old, and I can already see the gray hairs showing up...literally! My smiley little man is 3 years old now and takes after Anthony in so many ways. Just thinking of him makes my heart smile.
I am still working at Council on Aging and waiting tables at night...some things never change! And instead of worrying about injections and wigs and anti-nausea meds I am planning a birthday trip to Disney for Bella, shopping around for some new patio furniture with Anthony, and teaching Aiden how to sound words out.
As recent as last month I was still trying to finish up the reconstruction process of this whole ordeal. I originally underwent the nipple reconstruction in the middle of 2012...but one of the nipples got infected and had to be removed. After healing, they reconstructed it once again a month ago and it seems to be healing well. I am scheduled to have the areola tattooing done at the end of this month. That should honestly be the last step for me. And as long as my blood work keeps looking good, and my oncologist keeps giving me good reports, I will be 3 years since diagnosis in July 2013...and 2 years officially CANCER FREE in May 2013!!!!

It really is amazing to look back, and sometimes I feel like I am watching someone else's story in my memories. The road has been bumpy and full of detours, but it has gotten me here. Ever day I still look at myself in the mirror and frown, but I have to keep prospective on it all. At least I am here to look in the mirror. I have come a long way, but still have so much of my story left to write. I have walked thru the storm, felt the wind whip at my face and knock me down. Some days were almost unbearable and I couldn't even see the path in front of me...but now I feel like the sun is shining down on me, the sky is crystal clear and there is nothing I can't do :)

Bella and Aiden Easter 2012

Me and my favorite girls - July 4th 2012 - 2 years since diagnosis

Me and my huney - weekend getaway Florida Keys July 2012

Kiddos - Aiden's 3rd Birthday August 2012

My 29th Birthday

Family Cruise October 2012

What a difference a year makes!

I just realized today that I have not posted a blog in over a year..it has been over a year since I have finished the hardest part of my life, chemo therapy. I am happy to give an update to anyone who is still following this blog :) In January of 2011 I had the second part of reconstruction completed...they replaced my tissue expanders with the permanent implants. This is still an interesting part of my life because to this day they are still adjusting, stretching my skin and moving in weird ways. I worry about it some days and other days I could care less. Something is better than nothing, and even though they are not perfect they are mine. I have yet to get the nipple reconstruction done because I want to make sure they wont have to do any revision surgery or implant adjustments before I tattoo on nipples. Sounds so weird. I am all for tattoos usually but this kind freaks me out just alittle. Other than that I finished 5 weeks of radiation at the end of March 2011. That was also a difficult journey I am glad is behind me.
So what am I up to now one year out of treatment? Back to the grind of working two jobs, juggling kids, housework, everyday life, etc. Plus I have added a boyfriend and school into this hectic mix. But one thing has not changed...I am still very thankful to be here to do all of it. Even though I might bitch about how tired I am or how I need a vacation, it is all part of my beautiful life. The beautiful life that was put into jeopardy by Breast Cancer and the beautiful life I fought to not lose. We cannot take anything for granted and we have to live in the moment...trust me, it can be gone before you know it.

Me and My Best Friend Megan - October 2011

Family Photo - September 2011

Me and the Kiddos Halloween 2011

I Actually Did It....Chemo Grad 2010!

I can finally say I have successfully finished 6 rounds of chemotherapy and I am done with that part of my treatment....THANK YOU GOD SOOOOO MUCH! If I didn't have the next 5 days of feeling like crap to look forward to I would go out and celebrate...lol. Every time I even think about the fact that I don't have to do chemo again I want to cry tears of joy. A couple times I thought I would not make it - no way, no how, felt like giving in and giving up....but He didn't let me and I am just so happy I made it this far. The journey is not over...but a major part of it is behind me. Must go drink water and sleep now....plus I  have a very tired 15 month old boy to put to bed....will update soon!

Give Thanks...

I am Thankful....

Thankful that I am able to wake up in the morning
Thankful that I can hug my two wonderful kids
Thankful I have a house to go home to
Thankful I have a bed to sleep in at night
Thankful I have friends to keep me motivated and positive
Thankful I have a job to drag my butt to everyday
Thankful I have the most amazing family anyone could ever ask for
Thankful I have people that genuinely love me and care about my well being
Thankful for my doctors, my nurses, my health insurance
Thankful that God gives me the strength to keep fighting when I feel like giving up
Thankful I am even able to type this right now

And above all this I am Thankful that, for the first year of my life, I can honestly say I know what it means to be Thankful and to realize your blessings...I always thought I knew, but I didn't....now I do.

Thank you

Do I REALLY have to go???

I am sitting here waiting for Megan, my wonderful friend, who has volunteered  to be my chemo date for today. Chemotherapy treatment #5...ohh, how I have dreaded you but looked forward to you at the same time. I get this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach at the mention of the word chemotheraphy but I only have 2 more left...and after today I can say 1 more to go!! That excites me. As much as the thought of never ever having to do anything like this again hopefully ***knocks on wood** If I could, I would act like a little kid, kick and scream and hide in my closet to not have to go to this appointment. I am such a baby...I need to suck it up and face it head on, with a smile. Maybe there will be some cute bald guy in the chemo chair next to me that I can relate to...haha...a girl can wish can't she???

In a hurry, but don't want to miss a thing....

I cannot wait for these next 2 months to be over for alot of reasons....

1. My last chemotherapy treatment is December 10th....THANK YOU LORD!!!!!
2. No more saline fills into the tissue expanders....woohoo!!!
3. Less doctor appointments for alittle while
4. Bloodwork less often :)
5. Back to the crazy, sleepless schedule of working 2 jobs...yes, that's right....I miss my second job :(

I am really excited because my plastic surgeon is set to do surgery in January to put the implants in and finish reconstruction....before radiation. Which is wonderful for me because I thought I was going to have to deal with these expanders until at least March. I am counting down the days til surgery like a kid waiting for Christmas.

But as much as I would like to sleep thru these next two months to get to January....this is my favorite part of the year and I am not wanting to miss out on any family gatherings, special events and holiday parties. If only I could be done with all this before next week...lol...in a perfect world.
I know He already knows what I want for Christmas but GOD PLEASE MAKE ME HEALTHY AGAIN....Amen

Me and the kiddos on Halloween

Thank God It's NOT Friday...

I have begun to really hate Fridays. Friday used to be one of my favorite days of the week. Even though I am usually working 17 hrs on Fridays, it was always fun. Now I begin to get a sinking feeling in my stomach every 3rd week when Friday starts to roll around. Nothing like knowing once I get in that chair for chemo on Friday that I am going to feel like crap for 7 days days. I wish I could skip it all together. Half of me is saying "woohoo, only 3 more treatments to go!" and the other half is saying "There is no way I can put myself thru this 3 more times!" When January rolls around and all of these lovely chemo dates are off my calender I am going to throw myself the biggest freakin party people will wonder what the heck is wrong with me!