My glass is 1/3 full

Well, one more chemo down....4 to go! As I sit here at my computer I am slowly realizing that this process is going to be a long one. I knew before I even started treatment that my battle against cancer would be long, but the days after chemotherapy make me realize just how long. It's hard to explain to anyone that has not gone thru it themselves exactly how you feel after treatment, and what exactly the side effects are like. Either way, these are the times I find it the hardest to be positive. All I want to do is sleep. If they ever figure out a way to safely knock you out for 7 days after chemo and you can wake up having missed "the fog" then I am all for it! The second cycle of meds actually left me feeling "better" than the first, but still no where near myself. How silly it sounds to want to be able to mop your floors, or do your dishes without feeling like it will take the last bit of energy you have. Bring back those boring nights of doing nothing with the kids. Man, did I ever have it good! Just got to remind myself it will all be back in due time...

 I am still getting used to my G.I. Jane look...even though I do prefer it to my wig. I feel better walking around bald than I do looking like a drag queen. Everyone says the wig looks wonderful, and it is a very nice wig, but I feel like a 70 year old man trying to dress like a woman in it. Will I ever feel attractive again....I sure hope so!

And Life Goes On...

It's been awhile since I last wrote. I guess when you get to feeling well, time flies! For the first time since surgery I was able to take care of myself and my kids all by myself, which was a big step. Just when I was starting to heal up from surgery I had to get my first saline fill, which put me back a couple of steps and kept me from lifting Aiden...then chemo knocked me out for a week and a half...and honestly I still don't think I am suppose to be lifting more than 5 lbs. BUT I am proud to say I was able to have a pretty "normal" weekend :) It was so nice to be able to do my own laundry and get back to a routine. The appreciation for all the help my family and friends have given me over the last month and a half cannot even be expressed in words. And Sunday, while I was out to lunch with the kids, I actually started crying....right there in the middle of CiCi's...lol...my daughter probably thought I was going crazy. But it all hit me, as I looked at Aiden making a mess with his pasta noodles, and Bella sat there and told me about how much she liked her new posters in her room....I broke down....but not because I was sad, more because I was happy...because I AM happy. I am so happy that I am healthy enough to enjoy my wonderful kids, to be able to go to work, to do the little things that make my life great. So as I headed to my aunt's house to watch football, I thanked God for my health...and I know that might sound strange since I have cancer and am not the "healthiest" I have ever been...but at the end of the day, I am here and I am HEALTHY and HAPPY :) This week is not my favorite....have a saline fill into my expanders on Tuesday....Oncology appt and bloodwork on Thursday....Chemo on Friday. But I am trying not to look at the bad. Gonna focus on the good...have a friend teaching me Acoustic Guitar,  my favorite show GLEE on Tuesday and an web interview tonight to be part of a book on young cancer survivors...PLUS my Race for the Cure commercial is airing this month on Channel 9. Lookaloting at it this way make my week look alot nicer! Will be blogging soon about my second chemotherapy treatment...wish me luck!

P.S. My hair is thinning but hasn't completely fallen out yet...so when it does, be looking for the pretty bald pictures :)