Sweet Home Chicago!

Let me start by saying Cycle 3 of Chemo was by far the worst one yet. With that being said, I was hell bent on feeling better by the time our plane took of on Thursday the 14th. Day 3-6 of the week after treatment were pretty bad, I felt like crawling under a rock. I asked my co-worker Heather to just kill me know and put me out of my misery...several times...thankfully, she didn't listen to me. But, when it was time to make the trip to Chicago for my cousin Mike's wedding. all the side effects seemed to fade away in the nick of time. It was a great trip...alittle short...but great. The wedding itself was just beautiful. Aiden was the best little travel buddy ever. It's times like these, when all the family comes together, it makes you realize just how blessed you are. I am so fortunate to have the family I have, and it gets taken for granted too often. Not many people can say they have such a close, loving relationship with their family. And even more so now, because of what I am going thru, I realize that you have to give thanks for the things we seem to just think are suppose to be. I really didn't want to come back to Florida. I love living near the ocean, and the weather, and my friends here...but I wasn't ready to come back. I know part of it was that we still didn't get to see all the family we needed to, and there is always so much to do when you are on vacation....just one week more would have been great. But also it was, for me, the realization that my journey with cancer is far from over. Being away from the doctors and needles and everything for four days made me feel as close to normal as I was going to get. It was nice to be focused on something else for a change and be away from reality. But, all good things must come to an end...and life must go on. Man....reality sucks sometimes.

The many faces of Jessica

Here are just some of the wigs I have been playing around with - found some crazy deals and ended up with a nice selection - trying something new almost everyday...gotta find fun in someting, right? MOre pics to come in future :)

Mid/Long Bown with highlights...cute with headbands

Black Mid/Long...very "sexy"

Still on the fence about this one - first time ever close to a blonde!

One of my favs...like the haircut I had before hair loss...brown short

Yep, definite fav

Get the most compliments on this one...short brown with copper highlights

I also have a brown curly one, a long light brown, a long dark brown/maroon highlights with bangs, a brown mid length with bangs, a brown one that looks like a mullet so I have to wear hats over it (dont always go for the cheap ones, lol) ...and I am searching for the perfect platinum blonde, long with bangs....think Lady Gaga...why the heck not, right?

Ohh we're half way there...OHHH Livin on A Prayer!

 Today was a very important day for me. It marked the half way point of my chemotherapy treatments...3 down, 3 to go. I cannot wait til this is all behind me, and my calender is full of social events instead of blood draws and chemo dates. Although, I do have to say I had an awesome time catching up with my friend Megan at chemo today. Even the nurse pointed out what a good mood I always seem to be in and how wonderful it is I have different family/friends that come with me to chat. Honestly, tell me a better way to spend the mandatory 3 hours in the chair? We caught up on everything that has been going on at the Flagler Tavern since I haven't been able to cocktail waitress since July :( and everything that has changed since treatment started...and then we went out to lunch at La Fiesta...it was great. It's very important to me to keep some sense of "normal" in my life...it makes the situation all that easier to deal with on a day to day basis. Other than that I have been extremely busy this week. Work has thrown yet another curve ball at the us, and that was a stress in itself. We are 5 days away from our flight to Chicago for my cousin's wedding....SOO EXCITED....and I just got my dress in that I am going to wear...not to shabby looking, considering...lol (see pic). I am really looking forward to this trip, and I am praying everyday that the side effects of chemo subside alittle sooner this time around so I can enjoy the 4-5 days of my trip. It has been 5 years since I have been in the good 'ol Windy City, and this marks Aiden's first plane trip...so fingers crossed everything goes well. Will be blogging as much as I can to keep everyone posted. Off to bed now...this cancer chick has to get her beauty sleep...lots of love.

My glass is 1/3 full

Well, one more chemo down....4 to go! As I sit here at my computer I am slowly realizing that this process is going to be a long one. I knew before I even started treatment that my battle against cancer would be long, but the days after chemotherapy make me realize just how long. It's hard to explain to anyone that has not gone thru it themselves exactly how you feel after treatment, and what exactly the side effects are like. Either way, these are the times I find it the hardest to be positive. All I want to do is sleep. If they ever figure out a way to safely knock you out for 7 days after chemo and you can wake up having missed "the fog" then I am all for it! The second cycle of meds actually left me feeling "better" than the first, but still no where near myself. How silly it sounds to want to be able to mop your floors, or do your dishes without feeling like it will take the last bit of energy you have. Bring back those boring nights of doing nothing with the kids. Man, did I ever have it good! Just got to remind myself it will all be back in due time...

 I am still getting used to my G.I. Jane look...even though I do prefer it to my wig. I feel better walking around bald than I do looking like a drag queen. Everyone says the wig looks wonderful, and it is a very nice wig, but I feel like a 70 year old man trying to dress like a woman in it. Will I ever feel attractive again....I sure hope so!

And Life Goes On...

It's been awhile since I last wrote. I guess when you get to feeling well, time flies! For the first time since surgery I was able to take care of myself and my kids all by myself, which was a big step. Just when I was starting to heal up from surgery I had to get my first saline fill, which put me back a couple of steps and kept me from lifting Aiden...then chemo knocked me out for a week and a half...and honestly I still don't think I am suppose to be lifting more than 5 lbs. BUT I am proud to say I was able to have a pretty "normal" weekend :) It was so nice to be able to do my own laundry and get back to a routine. The appreciation for all the help my family and friends have given me over the last month and a half cannot even be expressed in words. And Sunday, while I was out to lunch with the kids, I actually started crying....right there in the middle of CiCi's...lol...my daughter probably thought I was going crazy. But it all hit me, as I looked at Aiden making a mess with his pasta noodles, and Bella sat there and told me about how much she liked her new posters in her room....I broke down....but not because I was sad, more because I was happy...because I AM happy. I am so happy that I am healthy enough to enjoy my wonderful kids, to be able to go to work, to do the little things that make my life great. So as I headed to my aunt's house to watch football, I thanked God for my health...and I know that might sound strange since I have cancer and am not the "healthiest" I have ever been...but at the end of the day, I am here and I am HEALTHY and HAPPY :) This week is not my favorite....have a saline fill into my expanders on Tuesday....Oncology appt and bloodwork on Thursday....Chemo on Friday. But I am trying not to look at the bad. Gonna focus on the good...have a friend teaching me Acoustic Guitar,  my favorite show GLEE on Tuesday and an web interview tonight to be part of a book on young cancer survivors...PLUS my Race for the Cure commercial is airing this month on Channel 9. Lookaloting at it this way make my week look alot nicer! Will be blogging soon about my second chemotherapy treatment...wish me luck!

P.S. My hair is thinning but hasn't completely fallen out yet...so when it does, be looking for the pretty bald pictures :)

Treatment #1 Down...and so am I

Ok, so no one said this was going to be a walk in the park, but I have only had one treatment and I feel like butt...lol. On Friday I showed up with bells on to receive my first round of Taxotere and Cytoxan, no big deal. Me and mom sat for three and a half hours as the medication ran its course. The port is a wonderful invention, one stick and no discomfort...I am all for that. And honestly, I left thinking that this was just as easy as could be. We got lunch, went home and I layed down. The whole weekend was a blur. The only way I can describe how I felt, and how I continue to feel, is like when you are just coming down or getting over the flu. Foggy head, tired, food has no appeal, just want to lay down but can't stand being in bed...it is very strange. I know I am on edge, and not myself. As I am sitting here typing this I feel like my head is in the clouds...and not in a good way. I am hungry, but don't even want to think about food really...I have been trying to drink lots of water, to flush the drugs out, and just keep my head up. I had a breakdown on Saturday...emotions are high...feels like I am very alone and all of a sudden the strength that has carried me through kind of disappeared...I knew this was going to happen, I have expected it all along, but it doesn't make it easier...very depressed feeling. This makes me doubt myself even more, because they say the treatments only get worse....GREAT, if this is the easiest, how the hell am I gonna make it thru Decemeber?? I am not looking forward to the Neulasta injection I am scheduled for today...it ups your white cell count, but I have heard the side effects (bone pain, etc) is no fun. Wish this was more upbeat but sorry folks, just not feeling it today. Oh, and P.S. wigs suck....all of them...they all look like crap...just FYI.

Losing my security blanket

With my first chemo treatment just 3 days away I knew it was time. I needed to cut my hair. OK, so you are thinking big deal, right? It's hair...it grows back. Well, to me, my hair is a symbol of my youth...of memories...it's part of me. I think the idea of losing my hair is WAY more horrific than losing my boobs. Long hair = Jessica...period...always. I have never had a short haircut, so maybe that is why it's a very difficult concept to get used to. Either way, my hair is going to fall out anyways...right? So, off I went to the hairdresser. By the way, if you live in my neck of the woods you NEED this guys phone number...Bobby is a miracle worker and has an eye for finding your perfect individual cut/style. So, I put myself in his very capable hands....and the results were better than I could have hoped for. For the next 2-3 weeks, before I become the cutest bald chick you've ever seen (hehe) I have one awesome short haircut :) And the best part of it all is the fact I could donate my hair to Locks of Love and help make a wig for a child in need.